From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Gentle Breeze Edition
“Honestly, we could have delved into all the terrible actual answers Rick Scott gave in the debate about his horrifying policies for Florida. But that’s not nearly as fun as him missing four minutes of the debate because his opponent had a fan pointed at his balls.”
—Jon Stewart“Clearly, for Scott’s campaign, last night blew. And if you turn the switch the other way, it sucked. … But why should Crist get to cool himself with a fan, but Scott isn’t allowed to control his temperature by laying on a chilled rock?”
—Stephen Colbert“Ann Romney today said that she is done with the idea of her husband running for president but added, ‘You never say never.’ And you don’t have to, because voters already did.”
—Seth Meyers“In North Korea, dictator Kim Jong Un made his first public appearance in over a month. He’s put on weight and he’s carrying a cane. Kim Jong Un is a top hat and a monocle away from being a Batman villain.”
—Jimmy Kimmel“During an interview, Senator John McCain declared that the U.S. isn’t winning the war against ISIS. Even ISIS said, ‘Well not with that attitude.’”
—Jimmy Fallon
And five years ago:
“A group called the Conservative Bible Project is re-editing the Bible because they say it’s too liberal. They say previous editions have a liberal bias. For example, when Jesus is washing the Apostles’ feet, it sounds a little gay. So now he washes their truck.”
—Bill Maher
It’s Friday and gay-marriage bans have been overturned in 31 states. But who’s counting? Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
